why me?

Why? Why me? Why do I have to put up with all this? Why? Those are the questions I ask myself each day. I am not a genius so why do I have to plaster on a fake smile for others? Why do they expect so much from me? Don’t they know this is driving me crazy? Nothing is every lasting. Nothing, I am just doing this till my time comes. This is just what god has out us on earth for, to suffer. Is it all we do? Even if we do experience the occasional feeling of joy and happiness, they don’t last the sadness always comes back to us, it haunts us, eating away at our insides until we are left hallow and empty without a cause to live for, just waiting for time to pass and for the time to come. Everything in the end leaves us noting is always ours forever. This is tiring but what I can do there is nothing I can do. Just waiting, No one hears me; no one really cares of what I think. Sure there are friends, but what can they do? In the end you’re all by yourself with no one to rely on but yourself. No one is here for me. No one. family? They are disappointed in me especially my mother, what she sees when she looks at me is only failure and a letdown. A waste of skin, a waste of resource. What I have right now could be given to someone else, someone else who has potential and is more useful than me. She would replace me if she could. She would trade me in like something she had gotten the wrong brand in a store. She would trade me for a better one, one that listens, one that works hard, one that keeps working hard, forever, never going against her. Never need to waste money on, never need to waste breath on. Never need to waste anything on the new one, but alas that cannot be done she is stuck with me and nothing could be done, so I live my life. Strive with all my might for her goals and not mine. Yet I am still not ever good enough. Never ever good enough. She brought me here to this unfamiliar place. Left me out there along, and left me with nothing but a “work hard”. Left me on my own to find my way again. I got back on my feet, slowly. The father works day and night to support us. I feel bad maybe if I went away they would have fewer troubles. Maybe if I had not existed things would be better. It’s still not too late. I can always disappear from their lives. It’s still not too late. I can still leave in time without causing them anymore pain; just disappear from their lives like smoke. Then I won’t have anything to worry about, there is always another person that can replace me. She’ll do better than me, unlike me she is not a waste of space.

poem: jerks

they say
"sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt us"
those lies
of course it hurts
maybe even more than sticks and stone
the wounds never heal properly
they leave the most hideous of all scars
fuel hate and resentment
something the world doesn't need

so why do some people still say it?
that's what i want to know.
what is going through thoes people's head when they say this
what do they think about?
certainly not the other person's feelings
who are those people that say these things?
they are what the world call
JERKS
and assortments of other colourful names

getting started

hey people ;)

i have just created my blog.
i made this to give a oppurtuity for others to read my writing and
for me to get feedback from you guys about my writing.

thank you ;p
i am new at this so bear with me