If Only This Was a Dream

If Only It Was a Dream

By: Kelly


I’m waiting for you to hold me,
Waiting for you to say you love me…


Ha!


That’s never going to happen
Reality is the one way mirror that keeps us apart…
I see all of you but,
my existence is only a suspect to you
If only this was a dream…


You would hold me tight,
Whisper that you love me in my ears,
Brush away my every tear
Protect me from all my fears…
If only this was a dream
We would be together.


In my dream,
You would take me soaring through the sky,
Swimming in the deep blues,
Exploring the wonders of our universe
Have the world to us and only us…


This enough makes me sigh in content
Until I force open my eyes and face the world
Wishing all this time…
If only this was a dream
Come true.

I Wish

I Wish

By: Kelly


I wish that you would understand
Even just a fraction of my heart,
My worries, my pain,
Even just a hint
Please just understand why my heart feels so heavy in my chest each day…


I wish life was like a book
Where we can clearly see the end
Where the words “and they lived happily ever after” is written at every ending
No matter the hardships,
No matter the pain
No matter how twisted things get…
They always work out.
Even a math text book would be fine…
I only wish that we can all flip to the back of the book,
And find all our answers there…


I wish I didn’t have to feel this way
This guilt that I’ve let you down,
Let myself down…
This sense of loneliness that’s buried so deep in my heart


I wish I can cry into someone’s arms,
I am tired of facing this alone…
Tired of biting back my sobs and swallowing them once again…
Tired of hiding my tears…
I’m not who you think I am,
I’m not strong; I am not the solution to all your problems…
I am not that person…
So please stop forcing me…


I wish we didn’t have to argue,
I wish we could see eye to eye
But…
No matter how hard I try
No matter how much I explain…
Our opinions never seem to match…
It’s useless, so I’ve given up,


I wish I wasn’t me,
If I could live another life,
Any other life.
It would be better than facing the reality I know now.


I wish…
I wish…
There is so many things wish for…
On stars, the moon, my tears…
But none of them are answered…
So now I have to ask myself “why bother”
As yet another tear slip now my face
All alone again…

The Role of a Teddy Bear

The Role of a Teddy Bear

By: Kelly


You talk I listen


You share with me your happiness
I know your joy
I hear your fears
I feel your sadness
I see every tear that slip from your eyes


I know you
The real you
The side you never show your friends
The side your parents do not know
The one where you are most vulnerable


I want to comfort you when you’re sad
Put my arms around you when you're scared
But I can’t...
Every time
All I can do is watch helplessly
Doing nothing
Saying nothing
It pains me to see you like this


But each time you pull through
I see you wipe your tears away
Smile at me
And hug me close
You whisper in my ear
"I’ll be alright"
And I sigh another breath of relief...

To be loved

To be loved

By: Kelly


We all know that feeling
We’ve seen it on T.V
Watched it in movies
Read it in romance novels
And sometimes seen the magic happen in real life


We all want it
To be loved,
Cherished,
And treasured by someone else
To become the most important part of someone else’s world


We all want to be cared for,
To be caressed and told that we are loved.
The feeling of safety,
Lying in someone’s arms.


To be loved
To be cherished
To be treasured
To be…. the one… and the only


Forever…

lost

Lost

By: Kelly


It’s been a few months since my last tears,
Promised myself I wouldn’t cry,
Anymore.
How could I let a guy like that get to me?
How could I let that hurt?


I feel so lost,
Like I don't belong.
Wish I could dream forever,
I could just disappear.
Not one of you understand my pain
Not one of you even bothers to ask


Every hurt, every scar I have
No one know but me myself,
Every problem I face I face alone
Not one asks and no one cares.
I’m suffocating and not one notice
And…


I feel so lost
Like I don't belong.
Wish I could dream forever,
I could just disappear.
Not one of you understands my pain
Not one of you even bothers to ask


All the tears I shed alone
The sadness eats at me- it hurts!
Can’t you tell there’s something wrong?
Pay two seconds of attention and you’ll know
That something is just not right!


I feel so lost
Like I don't belong.
Wish I could dream forever,
I could just disappear.
Not one of you understand my pain
Not one of you even bothers to ask


Not one of you even bothers to ask…

Experience


One word that defines our emotion
Before it you wonder why?
After you’ve had it you understand


The heart ache of a first crush
The disappointment and heart break of reject


The loss of a family member
The hollow sadness, the silent tears…


Experiences are what tie us all together,
They help us feel love, hate, anger,
Sadness, compassion, jealousy, understanding,
Empathy and sympathy two very different emotions but
Still all the more important


Experiences…
Life,
Day after day…

I need someone…


By: Kelly

I need someone…
to care for me,
to love, and love me back…
I need help…
I gentle push, nudge anything…


how long will I have to wait?
for salvation to come



how many tears will I have to shed?
for salvation to appear?
and if so...
in what form shall I see it?
an angel or a man cloaked in black?


'talk to me’ you say to me
'I can listen’ you insist
I did…
I’ve tried…


but every time I do…


you always have to have the last word…
forcing you morals and ideas on me…
I don't want that…
all I need is someone to listen…
and understand…
is that too much?


I don't want my life,
my destiny,
my fate,
my future,
be written
controlled
directed and orchestrated by you!


so…


I’ve given up on talking…
I’ve given up crying in front of you…
because I’ve tried…
and you’ve let me down…


the tears I shed alone
I don't need you…
I’ve grown up.

great drawing of justin done by one of my great friends on twiiter: PaolalalaR

http://twitpic.com/1mt8gi

Fake it

By; Kelly

Bite back the tears,
Suppress the anger.
Fight the ever reoccurring pain,
Another day,
Plaster on my fake smile
And continue living another wretched day,
Lying to myself saying I am ok.
Lying to others saying
'I’m fine’ and not once meaning it…

Split


By: Kelly

An angel and devil rests on my shoulders
Both are me,
Both I must listen to.
But who will I give in to?

The angel persuades me,
She smoothes out my rising anger.
Telling my to do what’s right,
Make others happy, while swallowing back my own pain.
Always think with others in mind.

The devil prompts me, sneers at me,
Mocks me and tempts me.
'Do it,’ she would say,
'They care nothing of your feelings,
So why should you care about them?
Cast them aside!
They hurt you so crush them and
Make their life miserable.’

Their voices,
Sometimes individual,
Sometimes merged,
Rings and echo’s in my head
They haunt me.

Their never relenting cries,
My inner battle,
The outcomes:
The angel will relieve me of my burden
I will be set free.
The other…
I will be crushed under their masive weight
While the devil laughs by my ear and says
'I told you so…’

ten commitments to your pets (truer words were never spoken.. i didn't write this i saw it in a book)

ten commitments to your doggy pet:
(written from doggy point of view)

1. please have a long replationship with me.
2. please have trust in me, that alone can make me happy
3. please remember that i have feelings too
4. when i am disobedient there's a reason
5. please talk to me as much as you can. even though i can't speak your words, i understand
6. please remember before you hit me i have sharp teeth that could hurt you, but choose not to use
7. please stay with me even when i am old
8. i don't go to school.. i don't have friends, remember i only have you.
9. i only live for about ten years so spend as much time with me as you can.
and number 10..
10. please stay with me when i am dying.

*please remember i love you always*


so if you are pet or doggy owner, can you promise these ten simple things to make your pets happy?

my life

I hate my life
Nothing ever goes right
I want the world to end.
I want existence to be nothing
Then all my problems will slip away
The only person I will miss Is you
You are the single ray of light in my world of darkness
Under all this pressure I am being crushed,
But you relieve some of my pain.
Without you I cannot go on
Without you there is no me
I know you
You are everything I live for
Yet...
You know nothing about me…
I know...
It sounds stupid.
I know I am weird.
But...
I can’t help it
I am who I am…
Although I wish it would change.

lost hope

i feel like giving up,
i am losing hope.
i am losing faith.

there is something stopping me,
that is you,
you are the light that keeps me going,
you wipe away my pain,
i know you,
yet you don't even know i exsit..
the pain, joy and sorrow...
it's much too much for myself to bear alone.
but who can help me?
no one.
this is my burden and my burden alone...
my scars to hide.
my wounds to heal,
but you bring some comfort to my life time of pain.

books

Books are the best of all friends,
the most patient of all teachers,
the wisest of all counselors
and the roots of our imagination.
They are silent yet at the same time comforting.

Books are the water to the roots of fantasies

time (hope you like it)

“Time”
By: kelly

Nothing ever lasts,
All will be gone.
Lost within the flow of Time.


Millions of years ago,
The mighty dinosaurs once stalked the earth.
Now
Reduced to dirt and bones
Placed in museums, merely for our enjoyment.
Powerless in the iron grasp of Time.


Beauty never lasts,
Time
The greatest of all artists,
Erasing the beauty skin deep,
Replacing it with the wrinkles of age
Now……
Wrinkled, sagging, and unrecognizable.


Existence is not permanent,
Mere drafts on its canvas
Some will be erased
Some added,


What will last?
Only time can tell.
Only it can decide.

why me?

Why? Why me? Why do I have to put up with all this? Why? Those are the questions I ask myself each day. I am not a genius so why do I have to plaster on a fake smile for others? Why do they expect so much from me? Don’t they know this is driving me crazy? Nothing is every lasting. Nothing, I am just doing this till my time comes. This is just what god has out us on earth for, to suffer. Is it all we do? Even if we do experience the occasional feeling of joy and happiness, they don’t last the sadness always comes back to us, it haunts us, eating away at our insides until we are left hallow and empty without a cause to live for, just waiting for time to pass and for the time to come. Everything in the end leaves us noting is always ours forever. This is tiring but what I can do there is nothing I can do. Just waiting, No one hears me; no one really cares of what I think. Sure there are friends, but what can they do? In the end you’re all by yourself with no one to rely on but yourself. No one is here for me. No one. family? They are disappointed in me especially my mother, what she sees when she looks at me is only failure and a letdown. A waste of skin, a waste of resource. What I have right now could be given to someone else, someone else who has potential and is more useful than me. She would replace me if she could. She would trade me in like something she had gotten the wrong brand in a store. She would trade me for a better one, one that listens, one that works hard, one that keeps working hard, forever, never going against her. Never need to waste money on, never need to waste breath on. Never need to waste anything on the new one, but alas that cannot be done she is stuck with me and nothing could be done, so I live my life. Strive with all my might for her goals and not mine. Yet I am still not ever good enough. Never ever good enough. She brought me here to this unfamiliar place. Left me out there along, and left me with nothing but a “work hard”. Left me on my own to find my way again. I got back on my feet, slowly. The father works day and night to support us. I feel bad maybe if I went away they would have fewer troubles. Maybe if I had not existed things would be better. It’s still not too late. I can always disappear from their lives. It’s still not too late. I can still leave in time without causing them anymore pain; just disappear from their lives like smoke. Then I won’t have anything to worry about, there is always another person that can replace me. She’ll do better than me, unlike me she is not a waste of space.

poem: jerks

they say
"sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt us"
those lies
of course it hurts
maybe even more than sticks and stone
the wounds never heal properly
they leave the most hideous of all scars
fuel hate and resentment
something the world doesn't need

so why do some people still say it?
that's what i want to know.
what is going through thoes people's head when they say this
what do they think about?
certainly not the other person's feelings
who are those people that say these things?
they are what the world call
JERKS
and assortments of other colourful names

getting started

hey people ;)

i have just created my blog.
i made this to give a oppurtuity for others to read my writing and
for me to get feedback from you guys about my writing.

thank you ;p
i am new at this so bear with me